NBA: Where Cleveland Winning Happens

Last night was the NBA Draft Lottery. The Lottery went chalk with the exception of one team. However that teams success with the Ping Pong balls had a huge negative effect on Detroit. 

Cleveland Cavaliers- Winner

Cleveland ruined it for everybody. Cleveland is awful. I hate Cleveland. Yesterday, I said that there was no way that Cleveland would win. And they have the number one pick.

This helps them in obvious ways. They’ll get their choice of player in a completely loaded draft. Do they want to draft another Canadian SF in Wiggins? Would they prefer the injury risk in Joel Embiid? How would they feel about the Chicago native Jabari Parker? Of course, with that being said...

Player that gets drafted by the Cavaliers – Loser

On general principle. Although he'll get to hang out with Johnny Football and have Sports Illustrated covers together discussing the rebirth of Cleveland sports.

Lebron: Back to the Cavs - Winner

For those who believe that there’s more than a snowball’s chance in hell of Lebron coming back to Ohio, last night was a success. The theory is that Lebron opts out of his contract and goes to Cleveland because they suddenly have an influx of talent. On one hand, Irving + Waiters + Deng? + Embiid/Parker/Wiggins might be better than what LeBron left in his last year in Cleveland. On the other hand, are you going to be the one to tell Lebron’s kids that they’re moving from Miami to Ohio. How about his wife?   Maybe you could show them a hastily made tourism video?

DE-TROIT BAS-KET-BALL – Loser

There may not have been a bigger loser than Detroit last night. They had a 1-8 protected pick. They may have tanked near the end of the season to drop down to 8^th overall. Their reward? The Cavaliers jumped ahead of them resulting in Detroit getting the number nine pick. That meant that Detroit lost their protection and the pick went to Charlotte.

Phoenix Schaudenfrueude - Loser

If Phoenix got the number one pick, the Suns would have jumped ahead of the Timberwolves, giving them Minnesota’s pick. Unfortunately, it went chalk and The Suns stayed in their position

Denver Nuggets - Loser

They had two options for getting a top 3 pick, and instead they left with nothing. The New York Knicks were losers on general principle

Philadelphia 76ers – Winner.

Sure they didn’t win the draft, but they still get the number 3 pick and the number 10 from New Orleans. They should have the number one pick from last year and the reigning Rookie of the Year. That's 4 young trade chips players for the team to utilize

Parker to the Utah Jazz theory - Loser

Well, that was fun. The Jazz have now gone to 5^th overall pick.  They are out of the Parker sweepstakes barring a trade.

Kevin Love Trade Rumors – Loser (for now)

Well this would have made for great conversation if the Celtics or Lakers won the lottery. Newsflash. Love isn't going to Cleveland. Probably won't go to Milwaukee either. Philadelphia is an interesting option though. Especially since Nerlins Noel is the type of center you'd need to pair with Love at PF and Philadelphia has two first round picks to trade. 

Mallory Eden (Daughter of the Milwaukee Bucks Owner)- Winner

Because Twitter said so.

Anjali Ranadive (Daughter of the Sacramento Kings Owner)- Loser

All the attention went to the Bucks owner’s daughter.  Meanwhile we have Anjali Ranadive, the daughter of the owner of the Kings. She went to UC Berkley and has a song with French Montana. She's also older than 18. She's a winner in my book. Of course, her team didn't get a top 3 pick, so I guess she lost the night. 

NBA: Where Playing the Lottery Happens

So we know that the NBA draft lottery DEFINITELY ISN'T FIXED. But in honor of my favorite conspiracy, the ping pong balls will bounce (even though there aren’t technically ping-pong balls) and a team will get the first pick and the right to choose Andrew Wiggins (or Jabari Parker, Or Joel Embiid, Or Dante’s Inferno).

Explanation: The best players come into the league through the draft. There is a lottery every year to decide which team gets the coveted high picks. The lottery decides the top 3 picks. Every non-playoff team gets a chance to win the lottery. All teams that don't win will get their order decidedby win loss record. Next to each team is their chance of winning the number one pick. 

Let’s run through the options from front to back

Phoenix Suns (0.5%) / Minnesota Timberwolves(0.6%)

Conspiracy: Sure, the NBA is trying to bolster their young, up and coming teams. Both squads narrowly missed the playoffs and the NBA is trying to promote them. 

Realistically: Look, If the Suns or Wolves win the lottery, we SHOULD be skeptical. There's only a tiny chance that they could win legitimately. On the other hand, it would be the best thing for the ping pong balls to reward teams that didn't tank last year. If Minnesota could get a sf/sg in the draft it would make it possible that Love would stay in Minnesota.

New York Knicks(0.7%)

Conspiracy:  Of course, New York won.  The league loves big markets and the Knicks continue to get benefits they don’t deserve. They’re trying to shove the Knicks down our throats

Realistically: Except that the Knicks won’t keep this pick. If New York wins a lottery spot, the pick goes to Denver (Melo trade). If they lose the pick it goes to Orlando via Denver (Igoudala trade)

Denver Nuggets(0.8%)

Conspiracy: I see what happened. A little wink and a nod from the league after trading Melo to a big market.

Realistically: I can’t even come up with a good conspiracy theory for this squad. Maybe that makes it possible that the Nuggets would actually win this. I've had my fingers crossed all year, especially since I've decided to stay in Colorado following the bar exam. 

New Orleans (1.1%)

Conspiracy: AGAIN. We’re all onto New Orleans. If New Orleans wins the lottery, they keep their pick. The NBA is always trying to suck up to their new owners. This happened already with Anthony Davis 

Realistically: The NBA isn’t trying to suck up to the Pelicans, New Orleans is a small market in a powerhouse conference. If New Orleans loses, Philly gets their pick.

Cleveland (1.7%)

Conspiracy: SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, the NBA’s favorite owner keeps getting unearned number one picks. They won the Lebron draft, the Irving draft after Lebron left and last year’s number one pick.

Realistically: Do you really think that the league wants Cleveland to win again?

Detroit (3.5%)

Conspiracy: SEE, Fab 5 documentary, Rebuild Detroit commercials, they get the best free agent coach available, and now they get the number one pick: SHEEPLE

Realistically, the bigger conspiracy comes if a team behind the pistons wins a lottery spot. If any combination of Cleveland, New Orleans, Denver, New York, Minnesota or Phoenix wins the draft lottery spots, Detroit loses their pick to Charlotte (1-8 protected)

Sacramento (3.6%)

Conspiracy: New Orleans Redux. New Owner, Number one pick
Realistically: Another high pick for the Kings is upcoming. They haven't sniffed the playoffs in years. 

LA Lakers (6.3%) / Boston (8.8%)

Conspiracy: @#$$##^%&*&#$@%$^&*(&^%$#@

Realistically: The internet might explode if either of the leagues two most storied franchises wins the NBA lottery. Both teams were legitimately awful this year and it isn't insane to think that one or both sqauds could get a lottery pick. 

Utah (11.9%)

Conspiracy: MORMONS, MORMONS EVERYWHERE. Clearly, the Church of Latter Day Saints is paying the NBA off to get Jabari Parker to Utah.

Realistically: If Utah got the number one pick, Jabari Parker to Salt Lake City would be a lock. The Jazz need a small forward.  All he does is offense, and that's what the Jazz need. It would be divine interven.. never mind. 

Orlando (15.6%)

Conspiracy: The NBA isn’t creative. The Magic already drafted Penny and Shaq in back to back years in the early 90’s. Now they get Oladipo and a number one pick. (Edit: I forgot all about the Howard draft) 

Realistically: The Magic were pretty awful last year and have a lot of fun players on the squad. It would be nice to see them  get one more piece. 

Philadelphia (19.9%) /Milwaukee (25.0%)

Conspiracy: New Owner theory applies to both

Realistically, These teams have a 44.9% chance of getting the number one pick. Of course they ought to win the lottery. Milwaukee would be the more just result considering that they didn't tank in obvious and ugly ways. They also didn't tie the record for most losses in a row. It's not easy to be as organically bad as the Bucks were.   

NBA: Where Unleashing War Machine Happens

How can we describe what happened last night? Let’s try to use the storylines that people always use to describe Russell Westbrook’s performance.

Viewpoint A:

“Sure, we can agree that he’s a star but his performance was lacking. During winning time, the last 4 minutes of the game, he cost his team the game.  With 4 minutes left he fouls. 2:58 left he misses a 14 foot jumper. Then on the next possession he takes an ill-advised jumper. He gets a make with 49 seconds left but then has a bad pass with 13 seconds left. Then he fouls on a three pointer 7 seconds later and completes the collapse with a turnover at the end of the game. His defenders say that he’s best point guard in the league. He wasn’t last night.”

Viewpoint B:

“When you’re having a bad game, you have to pass the ball more. Sure his free throw shooting was elite, but he shot a dismal 6-22. Shooting 1 for 5 in the 2^nd and 1 for 8 in the 3^rd isn’t going to get the job done. His shooting almost cost the Thunder last night's game It’s as if he isn’t aware that he has a team.  Meanwhile his teammate is shooting 2 for 3 and 5 for 7 in those quarters. You have to allow your successful teammates to do what they do. ”

The Westbrook storyline is a tired one. Throughout the Thunder’s short playoff history, he’s put together elite performances at the most important times. A triple-overtime classic against the Grizzlies here.  43 points against the Miami Heat in the 2012 finals. (Since LeBron has gotten there, no one has scored more against the Heat in the playoffs except Rajon Rondo's 44. But that came in an OT game that Rondo played every minute of). Last night, Russell Westbook had a triple double against one of the better defensive point guards in the league. Since last year's playoff's began, Russ has had 3 knee surgeries, including one mid season, and the focus continues to be on whether you can win with him? Sounds like a great teammate to me.     

As everyone who watched the game knows, Viewpoint A describes Chris Paul’s performance. Viewpoint B describes Kevin Durant’s performance. Chris Paul is the best point guard in the game. Kevin Durant is the MVP. If Russell Westbrook sat down and turned away while Kevin Durant was taking game tying free throws the internet would have exploded. BAD TEAMMATE!!! SELFISH!!! If Russell Westbrook ended a game with 2 turnovers and an ill-advised foul on a three point shooter, Skip Bayless may have combusted.

Instead, we have Russell Westbrook just continuing to sauté the Clippers. Do you know how many triple doubles Westbrook has? He has 3 in 12 playoff games. Do you know how many the field has? The other 199 players who’ve played this post season have had ZERO combined.  In the 2014 playoffs, Westbrook has averaged 27 points, 8 rebounds and 8 assists, quietly. He’s also been an 86% free throw shooter.  He’s even been a respectable 43.5% from the field.  (Bizarrely, he continues to lead the team in offensive rebounding, less a mark on Russ and more of a reflection of the other 6'10+ people on the roster and their inability to consistently rebound.) 

#WarMachine