Hip Hop (1st in a series)

"Hip hop is my fate, since cassette tapes" - Obie Trice ("Cry Now")

It's hard to get to know me for more than a short period of time without knowing that I'm a huge rap fan. I listen to it constantly. I post lyrics on my Facebook page and occasionally at the top of my blog posts (See above). It's also an art that has gotten me through a lot of hard times.

I always liked rap music. I grew up in New York City, so it's almost genetic. I grew up hearing music out of the windows of people's cars. Also, my dad DJ'd part time so I would constantly listen to rap music from the 1980's hearing Rakim, Big Daddy Kane, and Run-DMC. As a result it's hard to pin down when I "fell in love" with rap because it was, and still is omnipresent in Springfield Gardens, Queens. It didn't begin in one place for me; it was always there.

I do remember listening to a freestyle with my brother in my dad's car that was a turning point for me. In the 90's, Hot 97 (WQHT) was THE station for rap music in New York. It had great, legendary DJ's and hosts in Ed Lover, Funk Master Flex, Mister Cee, Angie Martinez and many others. My favorite things to listen to were the freestyle sessions. Rappers would come to the station and give their best lines. The best thing was that there were no restraints. No choruses, no concerns about making a "club single". It was just rap in its purest forum. My dad taped a session with Canibus, Noreaga, and DMX, 3 rappers who, at the time (about ‘98) were up and coming.

"My style is every color in the spectrum, your style is plain like trains without vandalism" -Canibus

It’s a lot more interesting than saying "When it comes to rapping I'm interesting, you're boring". It also adds more to the idea and gives a better sensory touch. It also contains slant rhyme. There was about 15 minutes of this from Canibus, DMX and Noriega. Getting away from the technical aspects of the session, I was hooked. My brother and I listened to the tape enough times that I memorized most of it. (Except Noreaga, I was never a huge Noreaga fan.)

Looking back, it had a huge impact on the type of music I listen to and the way I listen to music. I still prefer the rappers with witty punchlines who put time into their craft. It also added to my appreciation for language. 

Throughout the last month or so, I’ve had a ton of discussions about rap music with my classmates. People from all over the country have different interactions with it. Over the next month I’m planning to go in depth discussing facets of my interactions with the genre, through influential albums, songs, artists and storylines. I’ve been working on this project off and on for about a year now and can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Sober thoughts from the Boulder Cafe

“I work them long nights, long nights to get a pay day” – Big Sean (Mercy)

 

When I tell people that I don’t drink, they often give me a look of horror that’s usually reserved for 12 car pile ups. Occasionally people accept it and move on. Most of the time they ask a simple question. Why?  The answer isn’t particularly easy. I don’t have a religious reason for it, no moral opposition, no allergies to alcohol. I realize I sort of answered it in a previous post but merely using “responsibility” as THE reason I don’t drink isn’t completely intellectually honest. It’s a little more complicated than that.

The main reason I don’t drink is because I didn’t really do it before. I didn’t drink when I was in New York. Generally, no one asked me until I was old enough that I wasn’t interested by it. It also helped that I commuted to and from college and my high school friends weren’t going to force me to drink, because they already knew I didn’t. 
The other main reason is my hearing. I’m hearing impaired, and can’t hear out of my right ear. With that comes some balance issues and directional hearing issues. I live with it and deal with it. I also suffer from migraines. I never thought that drinking would be a good thing to add with those things.

Even though I don’t drink, I still go to bars and clubs, sober. Last week, I ended up going out a couple of nights in a row due to a school obligation, a work obligation, and Saturday for my own benefit. Had a lot of fun all three nights. Great conversations even if some of the content was a direct result of “liquid courage”.

My favorite part of the weekend was Saturday night. Saturday was pretty rough for me so I was ready for the night to bring any positivity. And that it did. A couple of months ago one of my classmates  described me as “in my element” when dancing to certain music. I forgot over the years that I really enjoy dancing. When I was younger I used to dance to every thing (badly). Then as I got older and was concerned about not embarrassing myself I mostly stopped doing it. Then I got back into it in late high school and college due to friends and relationships. Now that I’m in Colorado, and a bit more mature, I don’t care. If I’m motivated, I’ll dance. I don’t think I’m a particularly good dancer, but I’m also not concerned that I might be a bad one.  As long as the music is right, I’m up for the challenge.

Of course I had the problem of the “right” music being followed by music outside of my comfort zone.  But at the end of the night had a really great set of songs ending with “Mercy” and all feelings of ill will towards the DJ ended. I loosened up, left all inhibition at the door and that was that, which I’m sure was entertaining. All without a drink.

The Fickleness of my Sports fandom

“You love the Red Sox, but have they ever loved you back?” – Fever Pitch

 

I never believed in being loyal to a sports franchise, just because it is a local team. My belief is that you should be loyal to a franchise as far as it is loyal to its fans. I’ve been a Yankee fan for as long as I’ve understood sports. Yes, they’re the Yankees, of the 200 million dollar payroll. Yes, I grew in Queens, New York, where the Mets play. But the Yankees always ensure that they have a good product on the field. They utilize the uncapped nature of the baseball financial system and make sure that the team is worth rooting for. The Dallas Cowboys, despite an erratic history of success since I’ve been alive are another team I root for solidly. They continue to try to win every year.  They also do a great job of catering to the fans.

 

The Knicks are on the other side of the equation. On my 13th birthday they traded my favorite player on the team, Marcus Camby to the Denver Nuggets. That was the beginning of the end of rooting for the Knicks. It wasn’t a crazy trade at the time. They brought back Antonio McDyess, who at the time was a star player who put up better numbers than Camby. Camby was also injured, and spent a large portion of the first Nuggets season hurt. Of course, Camby went on to lead the league in blocks for years and won a Defensive Player of the Year award, and McDyess went on to be terrible for the Knicks and better for other teams. The Knicks also have a terrible owner in Dolan, and have had all types of off the court issues. Why should I ever be loyal to that organization?

 

Sports loyalty can be like dating or like marriage. As long as your honest about what your loyalty level is, I’m not going to judge. My basketball rooting interests have nothing to do with loyalty, and more to do with interesting storylines (See ‘08-‘09 Rockets). Will T-Mac get to play in the second round? Will Ron Artest ever recieve redemption? Will Shane Battier get the respect he deserves? Those are the types of things that make sports great. It also means that when teams make boneheaded decisions, I can leave at will with no hard feelings. When the other option is remaining loyal to a poorly run organization, its much better than simply rooting for the laundry.

I still stay awake at night

 

I don’t sleep. When the normal people are going to bed, turning their lights off, preparing their bodies for the next day, I’m awake. I started writing the post at 2 AM MST. I figured moving west would help. It hasn’t.

Moving to Colorado has been a blessing in many ways. Moving 2 time zones west means that my friends can’t enable me anymore. Some of them are night owls too, but they aren’t usually awake at 5 AM NY time when I’m up at 3 AM Denver time. If they are, they aren’t on Xbox live giving me an excuse to stay awake. It also gives me some peace and solace. I’m physically far away from the financial troubles, the losses and the racism that soured my last few years in New York.

Most of the reason why I moved was to get away. I’m a huge fan of the Count of Monte Cristo. In the book, a guy who has it all, a wonderful girlfriend, a great job and limitless potential has it all taken away by people who betray him. He ends up in jail, viewed as a traitor. Then he, through his own skill and will to survive and quite a bit of luck, goes to Monte Cristo and finds a huge fortune. He returns to his home and seeks revenge upon those who betrayed him and to win back the girlfriend he lost.

In more than one obvious way I viewed Colorado, and Colorado Law School as my own Monte Cristo. Obviously, Colorado has mountains, and part of going to law school is for the opportunity to make money. But also, I viewed Colorado as a safe haven. In New York, I couldn’t help myself or anyone else. When I leave Colorado, I’ll have a j.d. and with it, the ability to change lives. I could graduate with my degree and stick it to people who felt I wasn’t worthy of respect because of economic class and race. (A certain set of parents comes to mind) But between then and now, I want to be in a position where I’m not suffering.

Living in my house in NY, with all of the problems it had and no way to fix it was depressing. I knew I couldn’t spend 3 years of law school there. If I’m lucky, I’ll never move back. The experience of studying while the sound of gunshots fills the air (followed by yelling, followed by sirens) is one that strengthened me, but something I’d prefer not to deal with if I could. I used to stay awake at night wishing I could change it, hoping I could fix the issues in my home that I couldn’t do anything about. I was always so stressed. My heatless room, without electricity, the bills that always seemed to increase, the broken stairs and the feeling of being useless kept me up at night.

Even though I’m almost 2,000 miles away, I still stay up at night. Sure, I’m in Colorado and things are good for me. I just finished my first year of law school. My apartment in Boulder is wonderful. I’ve met some great people, and my internship at the Boulder Public Defenders office is fulfilling. But in leaving, I can’t help but to feel that I’ve made other people’s lives worse in the process. My mom and sister are still in that home, in that neighborhood, dealing with the same issues (although neither of them has my old room, thank god). The kids at the library who saw me as a role model and a steadying influence no longer see me around or have me there after school. I’ve done what I always criticized other people for doing. I found success and I left the neighborhood behind. People never bring back their success; they move and never come back. I feel guilty and it keeps me awake once I stop studying and biking and working and gaming.

Perhaps I’m too hard on myself. My ex-girlfriend’s mom described me as like Atlas once, saying that she could tell from my eyes that I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. This is more true than not. I take on responsibility, being the person who does the right thing and tries to lead by example. I don’t engage in a lot of activity because of it. I know I don’t have to be responsible all the time but I can’t help but feel responsible for ensuring the wellbeing of those who surround me. It’s why I don’t drink (gotta make responsible decisions). It’s why I don’t curse on my Facebook wall (gotta ensure that I don’t offend anyone, or at the very least not offend anyone unnecessarily). It’s also why I can’t sleep.

One day I’ll have a restful sleep. Either I’ll find a way to properly balance my need to help people with occasionally behaving selfishly, or I’ll stop caring as much. People have been, are and will be fine without me. Maybe I’ll drown out the voice that says “you have to make sure they get home safely”, when they’ll be fine. Or perhaps, like I have before, I’ll continue to behave as I do and just accept that I’ll be awake thinking about all the things I could be doing.

 

** COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO SPOILERS**
The protagonist doesn’t find solace in revenge. He certainly gets a lot of revenge, but it isn’t what brings him happiness.  Yes I added a spoiler tag for a book that is over a hundred years old, just in case someone wanted to read it and didn’t want the end spoiled (Superego strikes again).