If They Gunned Me Down

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After living at home in New York City for my first 22 years, I decided to live on my own for the first time when I went to law school. I moved to Boulder, Colorado seeking a change of pace from the hustle and aggression of New York City. I've been away for 3 years.

My mom still worries about me.

When I visited home during the winter break of my third year of law school I stayed for a month. One night, I came home pretty late, sometime around 3AM. When I went upstairs to check on her, she was awake. I went into her room and we talked for a while.

During our conversation, we heard the loud, low buzz of a police helicopter flying overhead. You know it's a police helicopter, because that's the only thing that's flying around that late at night. With a solemnity that I'm not used to, she said "I'm glad you're home"

I smiled it off, because she always has and always will worry about me when I'm not there. I've always thought, there was never a reason to worry about me. I've got good friends who've always steered me clear of trouble. I've got a clean record without so much as a driving infraction on it. I've spent most of my time either at home or in a library.

The older I get, the more I understand that none of these things actually matter.

The older I get, the more I understand that I'm still at risk of being a target, wherever I go. I remember an incident at a McDonald's while I was in college. While I was eating my breakfast sandwich, two cops strolled in. They walk in and stop right in front of me. One officer immediately puts his hand on his holstered gun. The other one asks me for my ID. I can't possibly imagine why I'm being stopped, but I comply with the officer's request. I put down the sandwich. I let him know that I'm reaching for my wallet. I reach in and hand him my driver's license and my John Jay College ID. I told him that I'm a student there. The entire time I'm trying to focus on the officer asking me questions while looking at the officer with his hand on his gun. People in the building watch me and the officers, assuming who knows what. After a second, they return my ID, said that they thought I was truant in a mumbled tone and leave. Just a simple stop in New York City. There was no reason to believe that I was doing anything wrong, a show of force, but at least they let me go. I'm one of the lucky ones.

At least I didn't get shot that day. When I was younger I was aware of the story of Amadou Diallo (shot 41 times, unarmed, police claimed he was reaching for a gun). In high school, there was Sean Bell (the day before his wedding, police shot his car 50 times, unarmed). Those are just the New York stories and even then, the ones that were publicized. That doesn't include the many unnamed people who have been bruised and battered at the hands of officers using excessive force. That doesn't include the people who have been killed whose names I will never know because the media didn't see fit to report it. That doesn't include the long history in this country of people who look like me who have been killed by law enforcement for no reason at all.

When I was younger, the victims were always older. Now that I'm 25, in the demographic of young black and male, ripe for being mistreated. What's worse is the character assassinations that happen after a killing. People ask "Why would the police do this?" The media responds in kind, presenting pictures of the victim that attempt to justify the unjustifiable. There's a search for a story, a tidbit, anything that can justify the homicide at the hand of law enforcement. Maybe it's a school suspension for marijuana use. Maybe it's that the victim has tattoos. Maybe they just look thuggish, whatever that means.
When I was a first year law student, I remember leaving the school after a long day of classes. As I depart the wonderful confines of Wolf Law, a lady stares at me. She then looks at her companion and says, matter-of-factly "There's so many thugs here". This is in Boulder, Colorado. I don't even look in her direction and proceed to walk away.

For the record, at the time, I weighed just over 150 lbs, I was about 6 feet tall and I was carrying a heavy Torts textbook. I was also black at the time, as I always am. If that's your definition of thug, there's nothing I can do to change your frame of reference.

When I look at Ferguson, Missouri, and see the story of yet another homicide. I'm upset and sad. It's another unarmed kid whose name I shouldn’t know. This kid, Michael Brown, was supposed to be starting college this week, in a world where many black men don't. He had no criminal record. From reports, he's a prototypical "nice guy". And now he's dead. Killed in cold blood. Since then there have been protests and law enforcement has responded with more excessive shows of force, swat gear and wrongfully arresting reporters.

I remember after the Trayvon Martin death, when people had pictures and Facebook statuses saying "I am Trayvon Martin".

I am NOT Mike Brown. I got to go to college and graduate. When I graduated from law school, my mom got to visit me. She was able to come to my apartment, go to the campus and see the man I've become. She got to see me walk across the stage and interact with classmates who I respect and who respect me. I get to write Facebook statuses about my success and failures as I transition from being a boy to a man. When I see people asking "#IfTheyGunnedMeDown What picture will they use", it's a thought exercise and a hypothetical, not something that has actually happened to me. But most importantly I woke up this morning with a new day to succeed and fail again.

Even if the police in Ferguson, MO are reprimanded and "brought to justice", none of that will bring Michael Brown back. None of that will bring a son back to his now grieving mother. None of that will allow him to smile and say I'll be fine as he goes off to school. Michael Brown won't get those opportunities. His life will always be a life snuffed out too soon.

And it hurts…

Ray Rice: Questions and Answers

Who is Ray Rice?

Ray Rice is the former star of Rutgers football and currently a running back on the Baltimore Ravens.

Why is Ray Rice in the news?

In February, a video was released by TMZ where Ray Rice was seen dragging his unconscious fiancee out of an elevator in Atlantic City, New Jersey.  In a subsequent police report / news release, Atlantic City Police claim that Ray Rice struck his fiancee, Janay Palmer. Witnesses described it as an uppercut.

Sounds like an awful guy, right?

Not quite. By all accounts, Ray Rice has been a stand up guy. People around him says he’s great teammate, general pillar of the community. Of course, this was before he knocked his wife unconscious part.

Why did he hit his wife? Was it self Defense?

Almost certainly, no.

Ray Rice’s wife, Janae Palmer, also received a summons for striking him although the charge was later thrown out. Apparently, there is video of Palmer striking him before they got into the elevator, although that video, is not public. So if by self-defense, you mean he hit her after she hit him , then maybe. However, in most places, without delving too much into New Jersey Law, which I am unqualified to do, self-defense requires that you don’t use excessive force, which considering his weight and strength in comparison to her weight and strength, doesn’t appear likely.

Wait, did you just write wife? Didn’t she leave him after this?

Nope, they are married now, they also have a child.

Is it possible that Ray Rice didn’t hit his fiancee? He didn’t say he did and the video doesn’t show he did.

Not Likely. This entire event took place in a casino. There are cameras everywhere including one from the inside of the elevator.  This video apparently shows Rice hitting Palmer. This video is not public.

He’s going to jail forever right?

No. He entered pretrial intervention and will avoid jail time on the aggravated assault case.

What about the NFL? Will they suspend him?

Yes. He’s suspended for 2 games. Both of these games are divisional games and are important  to the Ravens for their playoff chances. Rice is arguably their best player on offense and losing him is a major thing from a purely football perspective. Also, the second game is a nationally televised Thursday Night game, so it's a big deal from a financial perspective.

HOW THE F*** DID HE ONLY GET 2 GAMES FOR BEATING HIS WIFE?

Well, according to NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, “[Rice]’s been accountable for his actions. He recognizes he made a horrible mistake, that it is unacceptable, by his standards and by our standards.” Goodell also cited Rice’s previously clean record.

But [Cleveland Browns player] Josh Gordon got a yearly suspension for getting high. Smoking pot is worse than beating your wife?  

The short answer is that  suspensions for general law breaking are decided by the commissioner, but drug suspensions are collectively bargained between the owners and the player’s union. For drug suspensions, there are mandatory suspensions at certain points. According to the NFL Policy and program for substances of abuse, if you test positive once for pot, then you enter the program. if you continue to test positive you enter stage one. where you can be fined and then placed into stage 2 of the program. In stage two, you can be suspended for 4 consecutive games for an initial failure and then if you fail a second time you can be suspended for up to six times. If you fail stage 3 you can be banished (their word, not mine) for a minimum of one calendar year with a possibility of reinstatement up to the commissioner. Josh Gordon was in stage 3.

Suspensions based on crimes is up to the sole discretion of the commissioner.  There are appeals, but the commissioner also hears the appeals. Comparing drug suspensions and crime suspensions are apples and oranges.

But Ben Roethlisberger got 4 games for a rape accusation. He wasn’t even found guilty. Haven’t other players got more for “personal conduct policy” suspensions

Yes, this is where the discussion should begin. Rothlisberger was accused of a crime (admittedly, one more serious than Rice’s) and much less than being found guilty, he was not even charged. (Admittedly, it’s complicated, but still the accusation was researched and the DA involved in the case didn’t charge him.  Now, looking at Goodell’s suspensions based on the personal conduct policy, most of the suspensions aren’t that severe. The ones that are longer than Rice’s suspension include Albert Haynesworth [5 games, brutal attack on Andre Gurode], Adam “Pacman” Jones [1 season, lot of things], Dante Stallworth, [1 season, DUI / Vehicular Homicide] Cedric Benson [3 games, assault], Vincent Jackson [3 games, DUI], Terrelle Pryor [5 games, NCAA violations, although the 5 game suspension was to match the one that NCAA would have given],  Jonathan Vilma, Anthony Hargrove, Will Smith and Scott Fujita [16,8,4 and 3 for involvement in the New Orleans bounty program] and Aaron Berry [3 games, multiple offseason arrests]

Most of the suspended parties here are multiple time offenders. Haynesworth, Pacman, Benson, Berry. Stallworth killed a guy. Pryor’s suspension was to match the one that he would have gotten from the NCAA (that he also agreed to take). The other major ones are for on the field discretions. Note that other crimes got a relatively minuscule punishment (Michael Vick ultimately got 2 games for his felony dogfighting charges). The ones that stand out are Roethlisberger [4 games, multiple rape allegations], and Jackson who got 3 games. Comparing Rice’s suspension to those, the 2 game suspension starts to look par for the course. Suddenly, Roger Goodell starts to look light on crime.

Alright, so Rice may have been a boy scout before this, and this was his first brush with the law, but still he knocked his wife unconscious, didn’t Goodell take that into consideration?

Well Janay and Ray Rice both went to the commissioner’s office to talk to Goodell. While there, Janay pleaded with Goodell to give him a lighter suspension. Apparently, the office didn’t see the video. People believe the NFL could have obtained it and should have done so. Goodell prioritized Rice’s previous good behavior and the counseling that Rice is going through. Of course, pleading for minimal punishment isn’t atypical behavior for domestic violence victims (and to explain would require another thousand words), but it moved Goodell. Given Goodell's history, if Rice does anything to run afoul of the law, Goodell will likely look towards a yearly suspension, minimum.

What has Ray Rice said about the incident?

He spoke about it at length. He didn’t mention the incident in detail, which many people complained about, but this is also a current legal matter. As far as the statement that he put out, I think that it was as moving as it could be. He discussed being a better husband and father, and the pain that will come from having to explain it to his daughter “What happened that night was something that never should have happened. … My daughter is very intelligent and she’s going to want to know what happened. She’s going to press Google one day and… the first thing that’s going to come up is that incident” Now of course, to the people who think of Rice as callous will continue to think of him that way. No apology will erase what happened in that elevator.

So what do you think?

What Rice did is indefensible, so there’s no reason to talk about the actual incident. It deeply bothers me that people on the internet were trying to frame this as a self-defense case. But as far as the punishment, it does bother me that people are depending on the NFL to punish him more than the District Attorney decided to. Since I don’t know what happened before the incident, all I know is that the District Attorney saw fit to have Rice undergo counseling. Admittedly, Rice isn’t a typical defendant (RE: He’s rich), but counseling and trying to teach him how to handle things better is more important than empty jail time or games missed. I also don’t like the “games missed” argument. If you think that Rice is despicable for doing what he did to his now-wife, then what’s the difference between 2 football games and 4 football games missed. I’m also not sure that taking away someone’s job is great for the reformation process. If our goal here is to make Ray Rice a better husband (which he’ll have to be)while punishing him for what he did, 2 games doesn’t really bother me (especially now that I’ve seen Goodell’s previous punishments). I think 4 games would have been more appropriate, but it doesn’t really matter. What does matter, for everyone’s best interests, is that Rice becomes a better man and never does this again. I would have probably preferred that they didn’t get married, and I’m worried that sometime down the line, something like this will happen again, at cost to Janay and their daughter. However, there’s nothing the NFL can do that would affect matters, least of all giving him an extra game or so.

The Baltimore fan reaction disturbed me as well. When Rice returned to practice he got a standing ovation. Not sure how I feel about that.