Success

"At God’s footstool, to confess, 

A poor soul knelt and bowed his head.

'I failed,' he cried.
The master said,

'Thou didst thy best. That is success." - John Wooden

As I was getting ready to post that quote on Facebook, I found out that the bar results posted early and immediately left Facebook. My philosophy is that if things went well or poorly, someone would let me know. I'm satisfied with the work that I did this year. I've gone from rock bottom, to therapy to bring able to fight through the summer to study for the exam.

Near the end of my last year of law school, I had a conversation with a law clerk about the pressure of succeeding. What if things go wrong? What if I can't afford to take the exam? What if I fail it? His response was that I'm already a success. At the time, I was at a really low point in my self esteem and his short, simple response meant a lot to me.

This morning, one of my co workers took me aside to pray. I told him earlier this week that the results were coming today. He had no reason to believe that I was a person of faith, but he said that he felt it in his spirit this morning to do so. Coincidentally , (if you believe such things to be coincidental) last night, I was wondering how to pray about the day. I felt that if any day were a good day to pray, today would be that day. I figured praying for results would not be the right thing (I took the test 2 months ago after all) , so I decided to pray for strength. This morning's prayer was much of the same.

One of my best friends texted me and let me know the results. (Which is much better than coldly wondering if they somehow misspelled your name, I guarantee it). At this point, I'm glad to know. (If the Wooden quote was too subtle and I've buried the lede here, I failed the Colorado bar exam) I won't pretend that I'm somehow above the fray here. It sucks. But it's not like I'm the first person in this position and sadly not the last. (Because I have yet to check the list I don't even know if I'm the only one). But between the Wooden quote and the law clerk's commentary, I feel better than I would have other wise.

I've done a lot just to get to this point. I've made a lot of sacrifices to get here and I've had a lot of wins on the way. I've helped dozens of clients, I've written things that I'm proud if. I've done great research for myself and others. I've moved across the country after never visiting anywhere west of Pennsylvania. I've met amazing people in Colorado.

As it currently stands, I know 3 things.

I have great family and friends who've been supportive of me in every imaginable way over the last 3 years and beyond.

I still have my great view of the mountains.

And the grind continues.